Surviving Family Gatherings

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About The Woman – Happy Families

Walking on egg shells, might be a good analogy for how some of us might feel at family reunions, whether it be thanksgiving or Christmas. With my last article in mind (Halle’s Thanksgiving Bash) let’s look at some ways that we can promote a healthier environment for our families at such tense times. After all they are our loved ones! The holidays can be stressful on everyone, and often unfairly hard on  a woman,  rightly or wrongly they are often under the spotlight especially from the partner’s family. Mum’s, wives and girlfriends can suddenly find themselves in the middle a world wind of activity, so it’s important not to forget for us guys to pull our weight too. It should be an opportunity to cement your relationship, rather than straining it.

Step 1

Small talk, are safe subjects we bring up so we don’t get into fights with people we hardly know.In fact we often nicer to people we hardly know, than to the people we grew up with, shared bedrooms with. I’m not saying we should sit around talking about the weather, or whether the ducks have flown south for the winter, but we could certainly go some ways to avoid sensitive topics. Make a mental list of what they are, although you probably know what they are already – money, inheritance, politics, religion, health issues, wars or perhaps even fantasy football. Just don’t go there!

Step 2

Do something that will bring you together, a game or a sport – I’m not talking about full contact sports in the living room. Watch a movie, talk about the good times, watch a sports game or even pick up a board game. Head off to the back garden, to a park kick, or throw a ball around. At holiday times, money can be a sensitive topic, so focus on the things you can do together. There are plenty of things you can do that won’t deepen your sense of stress, or fire feelings of inadequacy, or agitate emotional conflict.

Step 3

There’s been times in my own family, where my sister’s haven’t got on, or times when individual have expressed poor judgment with money, or other things. Whether feelings spring from jealous, or just personality clashes, it’s worth giving everyone a heads up on who’s coming, changes in the arrangements. It’s worth even sitting down with some members of your family, before hand to ask them to be on their best behavior. Nobody likes bad news or trouble, but if you know or talk about sticking points as early as possible, then at least people are prepared.

Step 4

It’s good to have a game plan. Ready yourself for mentally and physically for an extended period of time with your family. I still remember my Mother (a beautiful woman, a very talented lady) working days ahead of family events, with the help of my Dad. Planning and preparation, can be dull, just the logistics of planning a family day can overwhelming for anyone one person. But it should been seen as chance to get involved, showing that support and love. This will go a long way to minimize potential stress and conflict at family reunions. Whatever you do, don’t leave things to the last minute, make sure you’re not freaking out when the family day or period arrives.

Step 5

Last of all “don’t push it”, by this I mean don’t force issues. Give people time and space to work things over naturally. Don’t expect people who really don’t get on, to sit down next to each other and enjoy a beer while chatting happily. It’s important to remember who the peace makers are, who the inflexible people are, some individual even thrive on bickering and if you have one in your family then you know exactly what I mean.

Family reunions can be demanding to say the least, but when it’s all done and the dust settles, it’s probably time to go back to work. On the plus side this gives you enough time to think about the woman you love and time to plan your next vacation, hopefully far away from the family.

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Halle’s Thanksgiving Bash

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About The Woman – Halle & Ex

What’s that family tradition again? You know the one when you put a handful of family members into a small space and watch them fight? Actually it’s not a fair question because there are many answers: Christmas, weddings, funerals…. The list goes on.

Although I’ve been a bystander of family squabbles, I’ve never actually had a family event come to blows. Although my friend wasn’t so lucky when couple of his bride’s guests ended up in a woman on woman free-for-all at his wedding (I wasn’t there).However it even happens to Hollywood celebs. Even Halle Berry, who’s an extraordinary black woman, and one of the most beautiful women ever to grace the sets of Hollywood is not immune to it. At her latest thanksgiving dinner (or I should say bash), the “Ex” (aka Gaberial Aubrey) was beaten up by the new man in her life.  Apparently and don’t quote me on this  “he got the worst of what he dished out” and the LAPD were called in. The happy event ended in hospitalization, medical costs, fracture, $20,000 bail out and a terminally wounded ego – but very happy paparazzi.

Sometimes I truly wonder, what’s going on with us all? Have we truly not evolved at all, or are we just a bunch of mental patients waiting to explode? The old adage “if you fight then you have already lost” comes to mind, as the real loser here is Halle’s and her bruised Ex’s little girl, who’s just 4 years old. Really world just get a grip!

How to Make a Woman Happy

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How to make a woman happy

Many men are not clear on how to really make a woman happy – after all we aren’t even from the same planet right? However it might be even easier than you might think. Fasten your belts let the ride begin, happiness is the destination.

Happiness starts with an “A”

It’s okay my spelling is not as bad as you think and when I say “A” I actually mean 3 of them (we’ll check them out soon). The road to a happy relationship is not as complicated, and thankfully not as expensive as most men might believe. There are things that a man in a relationship can give to his partner that are more precious than gold. How to find a woman, or your ideal partner is easier initially and certainly less challenging than nurturing that relationship for the rest of your life. But you can do it, and the “three A’s” is  perfect place to begin, nurturing and sustaining what you’re lucky enough to have.

The three “A’s”

You’re dying to know so let’s get down to it; affection, appreciation and attention. These are not only limited to a woman of course, every relationship could benefit from these, remember the old adage “actions speak louder than words”, well that’s what I’m talking about.

It would however be superficial not to suggest that aren’t differences in how we navigate life, or deal with stress for example and there’s more than just anecdotal evidence out there to back this up. The areas in which we differ extend into the physiological, linguistic and of course the physical.  How a man and a woman differ, might depend on who’s study or who’s point of view you’re subscribing to.

What we can agree on however is that we all have emotional needs, for a lot of guys this is where they might need a helping hand in understanding a woman’s perspective.

Appreciation – understanding comes from listening and finding out your partners needs. This easiest way of doing this is by listening. Emotional connection is vitally important in a healthy relationship, when was the last time you really listened to a woman’s words. I say “words” and not “conversation” because it’s the words, and what’s behind them that hold the key. What does your partner really mean when she says “see you later” or “I’m tired”? Women use more words than most men, but how much do we really pay attention to? It’s worth thinking about.

One of the leading causes of breakup or affairs might stem just from this, it’s a common complaint “he/she doesn’t understand me” or “he never listens”. It’s our job! If we can’t go to our partner with a problem, then who will we go to?

Stay open minded and listen. It could be as simple as talking and listening to your partner’s day.

Attention – Undivided attention. In this day and age you can ask yourself “what the hell is that?” I have to be honest it’s one of my pet peeves when I’m talking to my partner and she’s playing games on her Iphone, or watching a movie on her Ipad. To say the least I get frustrated. There’s nothing more special than when someone stops what they are doing, turns to you and listens. It’s a very special feeling, to know that someone is truly paying attention to what you’re saying. Undivided attention, it’s a rare but beautiful thing, especially when you’re the object of it.

Affection – the third “A”. It’s important not to confuse this with five minutes in the sack while you’re waiting for the washing machine to finish its cycle. Sexy is not a dirty word, nor is desire, if it’s for your partner, it’s important not to lose sight of your partner being a sexy woman, it’s essential to keep that fire burning.

There are many kinds of affection some of which does include “quality time” in the bedroom (sounds better than “sack”). The emphasis here should be on “quality time”, and not just on “time”. Again affection and listening to you’re partner’s needs are intertwined (no pun intended). When did you last explore your lover’s needs and desires? A woman’s body, the human form is a miraculous thing behold, don’t become blind to it. It’s so easy to become selfish, lazy and it’s even easier to lose that gentle caring touch.

The way you speak to you partner, the language we use and more important the tones we use. A word is meaningless and downright destructive, if you’re not saying it in the right way. We all get tired, kids are screaming there’s a bill to pay or stress at work. But it’s important never to lose that love and respect.

The last aspect of this is linked to the first, and that’s touch. A gentle brush across a face, a light kiss on the back of your neck, a hug when you’re feeling cheesed off, holding hands when the weather’s too hot (sweaty hands and all). It shouldn’t be habit or ritual.

I promise you if you think about the “A’s” then your relationship will be grow, be sustained. Money is money, rings cars and all that bling are important, but so are the small things. If you lose the small things you will lose the big things in your relationship. How to love a woman? Simply with all your heart and with your actions.

One of the leading causes of breakup or affairs might stem just from this, it’s a common complaint “he/she doesn’t understand me” or “he never listens”. It’s our job! If we can’t go to our partner with a problem, then who will we go to?

Stay open minded and listen. It could be as simple as talking and listening to your partner’s day.

Attention – Undivided attention. In this day and age you can ask yourself “what the hell is that?” I have to be honest it’s one of my pet peeves when I’m talking to my partner and she’s playing games on her Iphone, or watching a movie on her Ipad. To say the least I get frustrated. There’s nothing more special than when someone stops what they are doing, turns to you and listens. It’s a very special feeling, to know that someone is truly paying attention to what you’re saying. Undivided attention, it’s a rare but beautiful thing, especially when you’re the object of it.

Affection – the third “A”. It’s important not to confuse this with five minutes in the sack while you’re waiting for the washing machine to finish its cycle. Sexy is not a dirty word, nor is desire, if it’s for your partner, it’s important not to lose sight of your partner being a sexy woman, it’s essential to keep that fire burning.

There are many kinds of affection some of which does include “quality time” in the bedroom (sounds better than “sack”). The emphasis here should be on “quality time”, and not just on “time”. Again affection and listening to you’re partner’s needs are intertwined (no pun intended). When did you last explore your lover’s needs and desires? A woman’s body, the human form is a miraculous thing behold, don’t become blind to it. It’s so easy to become selfish, lazy and it’s even easier to lose that gentle caring touch.

The way you speak to you partner, the language we use and more important the tones we use. A word is meaningless and downright destructive, if you’re not saying it in the right way. We all get tired, kids are screaming there’s a bill to pay or stress at work. But it’s important never to lose that love and respect.

The last aspect of this is linked to the first, and that’s touch. A gentle brush across a face, a light kiss on the back of your neck, a hug when you’re feeling cheesed off, holding hands when the weather’s too hot (sweaty hands and all). It shouldn’t be habit or ritual.

I promise you if you think about the “A’s” then your relationship will be grow, be sustained. Money is money, rings cars and all that bling are important, but so are the small things. If you lose the small things you will lose the big things in your relationship. How to love a woman? Simply with all your heart and with your actions.

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