How To Tell When Your Woman Is Lying

About The Woman - Man, Woman, Liar

by NeoGaboX

How To Know If Your Woman‘s lying Part 1

The woman you love, or perhaps it’s your boyfriend who’s acting strangely – it’s just a feeling but you know something just ain’t right. Are they lying to you? It doesn’t necessarily have to be about love, it could be a scam, but how can you tell? Ignorance is bliss, but “knowing how”,  is much more fun.

The body never lies – nonverbal communication at least makes up for 50% of what we visually communicate, some experts estimate even more than that. However you look at it, nonverbal communication is immensely important. Understanding it can unlock secrets about other’s true intentions.

Body of Lies

These indicators work best when you know the woman or man you’re talking too well, because it will be easier for you to notice unusual body language, and mannerisms. According to Blifaloo.com and other experts if your woman or man appears to be using the following, you might want to take not.

  • Stiff, with limited restrictive physical expressions.
  • Displays body language that is gestured towards themselves, then the woman or man maybe trying to use up less physical space as they lie.
  • Touching their faces, scratching their nose, rubbing behind their ears

If they are doing any of these, they might just be telling you “pork pies” or just generally deceiving you.

Look out for contradictions

Your sitting down to have a coffee with a woman, who just happens to be your partner. You’ve been working a lot recently and she seems to be going out more frequently to see her friend. There’s something about the woman and the way she is behaving that doesn’t feel quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it.

You ask her “so how was Katie last night? You’re seeing a lot of her lately”

She replies enthusiastically “she’s fine, you know she started back at her old job, but she’s really happy”, she smiles a split second after the statement, and despite it’s early promise the wide smile only reaches the corners of her beautiful mouth.

Honest reactions are normally spontaneous and infectious. When somebody is lying or hiding something from you, their gestures, emotions and words may seem to be a little bit out of sync with each other. In the example, the delayed smile after the pretty enthusiastic words is a strong clue that the woman is lying.

The kinds of “out of sync behavior” (like the woman in the example) or delayed emotional reactions to words or actions may take on the following characteristics:

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions, smiles are limited to mouth movements instead of infectiously spreading across the face. A genuine smile includes everything from the mouth, eyes jaw, cheeks and even the forehead.

Best defense is offense

The “best defense is offense” is sounds like a cliché, but in this case it might just be true. If your woman or man is on the offense it might be because they are telling the truth, a guilty person will go on the defensive.

Other tell tale signs include:

• A liar turning their head or body away as if they are uncomfortable to face you.

• The woman or man that might be lying to you will look to place a barrier between you, it could be a pen, ashtray, whatever is close to hand.

Next time we will look at more than just body language.

About The woman

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How Not To Fail At Business With Your Wife

About The Woman - Doing business with your woman

by Life Mental Health, Flickr.com

You never get rich working for someone “probably”. So what’s the alternative? In these tough economic times all the options are on the table. Some people, maybe even you, might be considering going into business for yourself.

A long time ago, I went into business with the woman I loved – my girlfriend, I found out the hard way that wasn’t easy at all. I was very niave about it all to be honest. We did some things right, we did some things wrong.

Right & Wrong

We did our homework. We hooked up with a very experienced company that become our partners. They gave us all the knowledge to build on, along with trouble shooting advice (used that one a lot). Without them it would have been near impossible to start.

A shoestring – we started with way too little, a very skinny shoestring indeed. Get financed properly!

Not the right person – I invested in the wrong person (emotionally & financially). I knew it was the wrong person, but ignored that little voice.. you know what I’m talking about.

No backup – Starting a business in a relationship you’re not convinced about, is a recipe for trouble. It was also her home country and language. She walked away quite comfortable, I was left with my pride.

You don’t have to be like me

The wrong person is the wrong person, that’s independent of gender or relationship. I still believe the woman you love (or man) can make the best business partner. You just have to be smart about it, and there are several strong advantages for doing business him or her and I’m not alone in thinking this. According to the Small Business Administration – out of the 21 million small business in the USA, 90 percent are actually family owned. That’s an astounding display of confidence in family and yes, spouses.

Trust – who’d be better than your wife or husband? You have lived with them, you know them. More importantly your in it together, financially and emotionally.

Due diligence – I didn’t do this, but if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, then you probably have. You know their financial status, character and ability. You won’t be cheated by a fake license on the wall.

Extra mile – they will go that extra mile to keep things afloat in hard times. It’s a cliché but a fairly well known fact, most small business fail within the first year. If it’s a cash problem, one of you can take an extra job for a while, you can tighten your belt, miss a paycheck, live hand-to-mouth, or even take on extra responsibility if your skills allow. 

Together too much I won’t lie to you, this part was tough. But a well adjusted, mature minded, loving couple will find a way around this. Go home, don’t talk about work. Separate home from work, spend time doing fun things. See friends. I hated talking about business, it caused major problems and fights.

Be professional – We all have different skills sets, identifying these and can crucial in making any business better. You and your partner are no different. Assign roles to each other, according to skills and ability. If neither of you can do a job, hirer someone, perhaps a freelancer.

Trust in your partner’s ability – If you give someone a job to do, it means you trust in their ability. Don’t micro manage somebody else’s job, let them get on with it have regular meetings to check on key issues that are affecting your business and performance.

You still have to pay your spouse – I fell into this one too, I was too nice. Without a corporate structure and a HR department it’s difficult to put a value on your partner’s work, it’s very easy to lose perspective. Keep things afloat is the first priority, but you must pay or share with your spouse too.

They’re only human after all.

Outside advice and help – When we had a shortage of skills, knowledge or experience we either consulted with someone or hired someone. That part worked well. If personally you’re have problems find someone who will constructively listen to you both. Bottom line – if your relationship is at risk, look for help.

Goals and missions – with any business you need to determine your companies mission from the go-get. As you company grows you need to keep your eye on the ball, and make sure your achieving what you set out to do.

Remember to forgive, remember why you wanted to start the business together with the woman you love in the first place.

About The Woman

Woman Marries Twin Sister’s Killer

About The Woman - Strange Love

by thezartorialist.com, Flickr.com

Strange love

A woman’s body was found in the town of Pico Truncado in southern Santa Cruz province in 2010. It turned out to be Edith Casas‘ twin sister “Johana Casas”. She was shot to death. A sad story indeed, but it took a twist. This woman went on to marry her sister’s convicted killer, last (Victor Cingolani) last week – Valentine’s Day.

It reads like some kind of “B-Movie horror script”, but it really happened! So honestly this got me thinking. What kind of woman or person might be attracted to such a guilty looking individual. Edith Casas has polarized her home country “Argentina” not to mention her family. What it is about the woman? Edith believes the evidence is insufficient, but what kind of person would take a chance on marrying her sister’s killer?

Convict love

But should we be so quick to judge? Doesn’t a similar thing happen in the states? The USA’s prison population per 100,000 ranks as the highest in the world. With a prison population of about 1.6 million, it’s unsurprising that the USA has it’s own share of convict love.

Abc covered the case of Tim McDonald and Teresa Deion Smith Harris. The two had never spent a night together, and more than likely (at the time of writing) never would, but they got married anyway. He is a convicted killer, serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole.

Teresa is not alone either, thousands like her get involved in such relationships. In a similar case Jennifer Hyatte who was a nurse at a correctional facility, had an inappropriate relationship with her convict lover and was later fired. Details are sketchy, but in 2004 they were both on the run after she killed a guard to spring him from custody. I think it’s safe to say she loved him too.

Prison officials say inmates convicted of the most heinous crimes tend to attract the most attention from pen pals”

Why are they attracted?

Edith’s and her Victor Cingolani’s situation does have some similarities, but they also allegedly they knew each before the murder took place. Although that fact doesn’t make it any less unusual.

What’s the psychology behind this? Is it a case of love being blind? According to an article by trutv.com – experts suggest there are several reasons why a woman might fall in love or develop feelings for convicted killer.

  • Need to nurture – a woman may see the little lost boy inside.
  • The perfect boyfriend – it’s the perfect boyfriend, the woman knows exactly where he is & what he’s doing (mostly) also don’t have those everyday issues: did you take out the trash?
  • Hybristophilia – other people’s violent acts can be a turn on
  • Exclusivity – they exclusively know their lovers facts & crimes, privy to their story
  • Vicarious fantasies – their lover has acted out their violent fantasies
  • Low self-esteem
  • Eminence – high profile killers give them status
  • Beauty and the Beast syndrome – moth & flame scenario

(The reverse instances of males falling in love with convicted female killers rarely takes place however – I wonder why)

Edith’s belief in her husband’s may yet to turn out to be justified – it wouldn’t be the first time a person has been wrongly convicted. I hope for her sake she’s right.

On the other hand, they did choose Valentine’s Day to tie the knot! Anyone who’s seen or heard anything about this story must think that’s nuts all on it’s own – especially if you’ve looked at the suggested psychological reasoning. There’s only two ways to see this. It’s either the noblest and greatest declaration of love a person could make, or it’s the biggest craziest poke in the eye.

About The Woman

Does LinkedIn Know Their Groups Discriminate?

About The Woman - LinkedIn

by Adriano Gasparri, Flickr.com

Fair dinkum, that’s me I’m pretty chilled and fair about most things. Like the next person I have views about politics, religion, race and sexuality.  It’s totally fine for people to have their own views too.

Yes you may have the feeling this is the beginning of a rant post, but it’s only a partial rant and healing one I hope. Something happened last weekend. I was on Yahoo and playing around with Twitter while thinking about ways how I could boost my visitor counts for About The Woman. Some lucky bloggers seem to have an endless ream of topics, but I have to look for ideas everywhere.

LinkedIn Groups. So there I was, friends have been nagging me to do the old LinkedIn thing for ages, I’m having some moderate success with Twitter, so I thought I would give LinkedIn a shot. What’s LinkedIn? Well it’s the 3rd biggest social media platform with about 110 million users. But unlike Twitter which is widely recognized as the best business to customer platform, LinkedIn is the best B2B platform. However I’m sure it’s not all business people do still build friendships and connections on the sidelines of all the business and networking stuff.

So I gave it a try. I filled in my profile, made it look as nice as possible although I really need some nice profile pics. It takes a professional to make me look good – honestly.  So there I was clicking away on any relevant looking groups –  dyslexia groups, blogging groups, freelance writing and one very cool group popped (I won’t use the exact name) Photography For Women Who Like Taking Pictures.

Bob’s Reply. If you’ve seen my profile, you’d know I’ve spent most of my life around women and I have a deep, respect and love for them in all their roles. So this group seemed to be the perfect group for inspiration! However the group was locked and you had to apply to be let in. There were two moderators, I sent a message and someone called Bob – which is not his real name, but it’s really similar.

Hi Bob I feel this group is right up my street. I have a blog that talks about all kinds issues the focus is on women, relationships, style and more. But I would love to connect and find out more on women in photography. It would be nice if down the line I could write about some, I mean we all have stories and photos speak volumes.

Not saying that’s a perfect message, but I don’t think I come across as a pervert, troll or spammer/marketer. He replied really quickly which I saw as a good sign. Bob said:

Are you a woman?

Yes you know what’s coming next. I was already getting cheesed off, and wanted to send a pre-emptive insult, but I wanted to give Mr. Bob a chance. I replied:

No I am not. This is requirement for your group?

Unsurprisingly Bob said:

Yes it is.

A thousand stinging replies came to mind and I had to sit on my hands to stop them from whipping out angry keystrokes. I’ve imagined several scenarios if the conversation had continued. The first question would have been:

Bob are you a woman?

He probably would have said:

That’s got nothing to do with it. It’s my group and as long as the 37,000 women are in my group, they will play by my rules.

I would’ve replied:

Is this your personal harem or are you the eunuch?

I could just imagine Bob’s pouty face.

I don’t have to listen to this, it’s my group and I’m not letting you in, so there!

Of course that never happened because I’m a gentleman and well… who knows what bodily part Bob may have had amputated to get that moderator’s job.

Does LinkedIn accept this? The point is, does LinkedIn know that people are excluded from groups based on their gender? Because that smacks of sexism to me, I would be equally unhappy if a group of male professional mechanics excluded women who were interested in cars. Who else is excluded from other groups? This is an important question I think.

It’s okay we all have our own opinions and preferences, that’s our right. However I believe in social responsibility especially when comes to the internet.  I don’t support any group or community that excludes another based on whatever criteria. As with everything there are always exceptions, but I’m not talking about therapy groups here. I’m talking about a photography group, that excludes men.

I find Bob’s attitude bizzare, and if LinkedIn condones this, that’s equally irresponsible. I can’t imagine there’s anything about LinkedIn’s rules that might allow this. After all LinkedIn is a business networking platform, which is strange because this would not be accepted in the workplace and certainly not in business. Needles to say I’m finding a lot more love on Twitter.

About The Woman

Social Media Resolutions Follow Up

About The Woman - Twitter Tool

by James G. Milles, Flickr.com

It’s been approximately 2 weeks since my 11 social media resolutions post. It was actually one of my visitors Mark (nice blog btw) who inadvertently reminded me. I have to admit normally my determination would have flagged by now. But this year it’s different! Not sure why, but it is.

So what’s “About The Womangot to do with social media. Well simply the more people who come to this space the better it is for my blog. So it’s all connected and perhaps by reading my experiences, it can help you out too.

Nuts and bolts – 2 weeks ago you could’ve said there wasn’t much going on between About The Woman and Twitter. I followed 11 people and 3 followed me, one of which was my other Twitter account. Things were looking dismal – Twitter was a lead balloon. That was the real motivation behind my post, a kind of self help therapy session for my blog.

Research – Last week I still felt I needed to know something more. The end goal for me is to be using several social media platforms to push this blog. My theory is that the potential of social media is massive for any blog. Of that’s not forgetting good blog content, which most experts agree is the most crucial part.

Choosing my platforms – My first target is to get to grips with Twitter, even though Facebook has almost 3 times the number of users. There’s something about the short, snappy way of communicating that appeals to me. Looks can be deceiving though, on the face of things it might look a simpler way of communicating, but it’s not.

With Twitter everything has to be concise, informative and engaging. How do you do that in 140 characters? It’s hard. My approach is to circulate news from other sites that are related to mine and I merely wrap a short snappy sentence around that. Rightly or wrongly it’s my strategy for now.

Do I trawl through dozens of my favorite blogs everyday? Yes and no. I use a RSS feed called Feeddemon, it’s free, unless you want to upgrade. I spent one whole weekend going through all my favorite sites etc, pasted their RSS icon into the Feedemon’s window. Now everytime I start I get 100’s of new article to harvest from.

Know your audience – I must recommend this article from Mashable one of the best online articles I’ve read. Basically it states that most people who market on Twitter, do it wrong. Did you know if you tweet at different times you have a higher chance of hooking your target? Well that’s the main thing I got from this article. So now I try to tweet at my target’s prime times. Even though I live in Hong Kong, I aim for the North America audience mainly.

Do I stay up all night tweeting? Hell no, I use Tweetdeck. This program allows you to do many different things, the best part for me is the ability to schedule my posts. I set it up and hopefully my blog will reap the benefits of my tweets while I sleep.

Making a schedule – I made one and surprisingly I stick to it. It’s basically first thing in the morning. I arrive at my office one hour earlier, and do my social media stuff. Between 8 to 10pm in the evening I tackle my blog.

It’s not pefect – It’s not, but I remain flexible and with try other platforms and methods until I get the results I want for About The Woman. So you’re dying to know. Well unless you’ve added me already (I’m not hinting) then you won’t know but, I’ve done 130 tweets, follow 136 people and have a whopping 124 followers. I haven’t been that aggressive for following people either. So it’s not bad.

There has been some hits from Twitter to my blog directly. Even though there’s been a general upwards trend, I’m not sure if I can contribute that to twitter or not. Good luck with your social media adventure! Let me know how you are getting on.

About The Woman

Forgive Lance Armstrong & Big Fat Momma 

About The Woman - Relationships &Love, Lies

By DonkeyHotkey, Flickr.com

What is love? Why do we sometimes seem so hell bent on destroying our love and relationships. I sometimes think that people are programed to self-destruct. Lance Armstrong is doped, the whole world knows it. But who are the victims? His team mates, marriage, and perhaps a friend or two. After many years of lying he probably doesn’t even have a single friend who would stand by him publicly.

In the fact the whole story reads like the script of Big Fat Momma’s House. A man tries to do something good, but lies – Lance Armstrong. The main character is trying to catch the bad guy and win the day – Tour De France, but along away people start to believe in him. Lance Armstrong  spends the rest of the movie getting into dubious situations while trying maintain his Big Fat Momma disguise. Finally just like the real one (who was also an imposter of the real thing), he gets caught, while trying to do what he feels is right.

The differences are he caught the bad guy (Tour De France) several times and kept on lying – while making tons of cash. Unlike the fake Big Fat Momma, he kept on lying even when the latex mask started to peel off.  Like Big Fat Momma, Lance Armstrong got the girl – seven of them, but he had to give them back.

Lance raises some ugly questions about us – In the general context, and in relationships why do we feel we have to lie? How many times have we, or will lie to our loved ones and friends? Does it really matter if we are trying to do the right thing or wrong thing, then lie? “Oh I was just protecting you”, is that really ever the case? Politicians, husbands, wives, criminals often confess, but when? That’s right, after they were caught. Blah blah hindsight and all that, but I’m not talking about hindsight. What I’m talking about is the need to do lie in first instance – that little white lie. So when do we feel we have to lie in relationships?

You don’t want to be with that woman or man? Then don’t cheat on them. Give him/her a chance to find somebody that does want to be with them. Man up, and just be single. If there are other things you’re lying about, then talk about it with someone. If we can try to understand why we feel, or do things it can be an extremely useful tool in prevention. If we take the example of having an affair, it’s much easier to talk about why we feel the need to cheat with someone, than actually cheating. As a good friend once advised me “It’s the perfect crime, until you get caught.” Don’t do it in the first place and you won’t have to lie.

It’s not my fault, it’s life – I agree to a point. We do have unreal expectations, dumped on us, every where we are told if we drink that beer we get the hot girls, or if we buy the gadget we will look handsome and automatically get a better job. Lance’s case he pretended to be superman and he was in many ways, from cancer to a wonderful athlete. But once he showed the world he was superman, that’s when it all got worse.

If we blame Lance, or even Big Fat Momma, then we need to take a closer look at ourselves. Why do we only confess when we are caught? Why do we feel a need to do this stuff, why are we so destructive? Most importantly for Lance Armstrong and for us, what are the reasons behind our confessions? If we confess only because we were caught, then how are we “or him” going to move forward? I’m not picking on Lance Armstrong (or Big Fat Momma), I’m just using him for SEO, but the question remains why do we get ourselves into these situations?

About The Woman

Advantages of Dating a Cougar

About The Woman - Advantages of Dating a Cougar

By Fifth World Art, Flickr.com

Forget about dating a younger woman to find love, how about dating the older, more experienced woman! This is exactly what seems to be happening. But why would a much younger man date a cougar? Simply, there are a lot of reasons to find an older woman attractive, you only have to look towards Hollywood for evidence of this. Of course men need women, but what is it that attracts men to mature cougars, is it simply love?

Experience –A lot of men want to look like the strong one in the family, or other relationships, it’s the we are programed. But think about it are we always that confident or self-assured? Of course not, just like anything else it depends on the individual. One thing is for sure, younger people are often attracted to more experienced people, because the appear to be more confident and in control of their relationships.

Stability – The older woman is mature, experienced and self-reliant. Younger women are often more flighty and changeable. Many men also crave stability in a relationships – it’s not just a woman who might want this. Whether that craving for stability extends to financial, or just the sense of it, depends. The older lady is also less likely to play games, and more likely to know what they want from a relationship.

Looking goodAssuming our hot cougar is a career or successful woman, then they will access to beautiful places to do yoga, or stylish gyms and even plastic surgeons. Okay that sounds a little excessive, but the point I’m trying to make is that the modern woman, has lifestyle choices that enable them to keep looking good. It’s not just for the Hollywood elite.

SuccessfulRealistically most men are not looking for a Demi Moore, or any other hot celeb cougars and they don’t have to. The world we live in presents men with plenty of opportunities to find a mature, sexy, successful woman. It’s never been better for women as business or political leaders, the CEO of the New York Times is Jill Abramson, Chritine Lagarde head of the IMF, and Indra Noovi at PepsiCo and I’m just scratching the surface. Politics and self made women also top the Forbes list of powerful people. But you don’t have to date a Forbes list woman either, there are plenty of successful professionals from accountants to doctors everywhere.

Broaden your horizonsBeing with an older woman or man can have it’s own advantages. Take Demi Moore, would Ashton Kutcher ended up on CBSTwo and a Half Men” without the help of Demi? Correct me if I’m wrong but I honestly only remember him in really very bad rom-coms before that. According to New York Post last year recently she took her new love Vito Schnabel to India for a celebrity birthday party. Perhaps she’s changed again. It’s hard to keep track of her relationships. But think about it, what a trip that must have been! He would have been knee deep in a cool place thats oozing with culture, surrounding by the elite and famous. What experience that would have been. It certainly would have broadened all kinds of horizons.

If we are being honest people come together for many reasons, sometimes people will voice them, sometimes not. What is love? It’s different for everyone I think, but one things for sure it’s not easy to find and when cupid strikes what can we do? We should not let age, race or class get in the way that’s for certain. But we should love and not give up on those relationships.

There’s an old Hindu saying goes something like this – there’s many paths to the top of the mountain, the person wasting their time is the man running around the mountain telling others they are taking the wrong path. I agree.

About The Woman