Clothes He Wants a Woman to Wear

By Ali Leila Images, Flickr.com

I agree that when it comes to themselves men can often be a bit “slapdash”, perhaps even “sloppy”. A shower, shave, brush our teeth, chuck on a pair jeans and that’s the job done in less than 20 mins! That’s how it works for most situations. Okay some guys do take longer, some girls less, but generally speaking this is how “us guys” roll.

So by our seemingly carefree way of getting ready, you’d think we didn’t care about what our woman is wearing – you’d be wrong! We may sit there slurping our beer pushing very specific buttons on our remote controls, looking all sedate, but we are always quietly observing like male lions on the African Savanna. And believe it or not, we actually care a great deal about how you dress. We may not throw tantrums or complain, but secretly there’s clothes we want you to wear, and there’s the clothes we don’t.

Anything tight – “you didn’t need me to point this one out I know”, but it’s the truth the majority of men like a woman to wear something that hugs the figure. Men enjoy the curves of a woman, and generally like to see the woman’s shape and form. Of course there are always some exceptions, some clothes do look really good loose.

Just hanging out – one of the woman’s favorite clothes on a bloke, is a pair god fitting jeans. Now here’s the thing, men aren’t so different after all. For just hanging out, snug fitting jeans and off the shoulder t-shirt will do the job nicely. Denim shorts also figure quite highly, at least from a man’s point of view.

Nights out – this might be the biggest challenge for a woman, how to look “sexy” and “classy” but not “trashy”. It’s not rocket science but men generally don’t find mismatching outfits that appealing, but we do like most most things short and matching. Yes it’s a cliché “that little black dress” – just make sure it’s not too short, it’s a good idea not to cross that line from hot look, to the working girl look. By the way that little black dress doesn’t necessarily have to be “black” men are not color blind we also like other colors too.

Shoes are made for walking – When it comes to the “wow sexy factor” , men love their woman to wear heels. Personally I love the elongated look those shoes give any woman’s leg, it’s a non fail – unless you don’t know how to walk in them. So if you’re planning to walk all over your man, these are the shoes you should be wearing. Just make sure your not wobbling like a cute baby stalk, or stomping like a scary storm trooper.

In the bedroom – I’ve always loved Christmas, nicely wrapped gifts and decorations. For me it’s the same for my bedroom partner. If she wants sparks to fly, then a matching set of sexy lingerie will do the trick. Again mismatching is a bit of let down for me, but I’m sure there’s a rainbow of preferences out there. Many other guys will go for simple t-shirts, tank tops or even shorts.

The stuff that gets us excited may vary but I’m betting the stuff that turns us off, isn’t. Universal turn offs are granny nighties and thick winter pajamas.

It’s important to remember the woman is their own biggest critic when comes to her figure. There’s something about the woman that brings out this inner critic, perhaps it’s the unfair “barbie pressure” from the media. But men love their women, along with all their wonderful physical imperfections! So don’t worry about wearing something to impress your man, because he won’t!

About The Woman

How To Tell When Your Woman Is Lying

by NeoGaboX

How To Know If Your Woman‘s lying Part 1

The woman you love, or perhaps it’s your boyfriend who’s acting strangely – it’s just a feeling but you know something just ain’t right. Are they lying to you? It doesn’t necessarily have to be about love, it could be a scam, but how can you tell? Ignorance is bliss, but “knowing how”,  is much more fun.

The body never lies – nonverbal communication at least makes up for 50% of what we visually communicate, some experts estimate even more than that. However you look at it, nonverbal communication is immensely important. Understanding it can unlock secrets about other’s true intentions.

Body of Lies

These indicators work best when you know the woman or man you’re talking too well, because it will be easier for you to notice unusual body language, and mannerisms. According to Blifaloo.com and other experts if your woman or man appears to be using the following, you might want to take not.

• Stiff, with limited restrictive physical expressions.
• Displays body language that is gestured towards themselves, then the woman or man maybe trying to use up less physical space as they lie.
• Touching their faces, scratching their nose, rubbing behind their ears

If they are doing any of these, they might just be telling you “pork pies” or just generally deceiving you.

Look out for contradictions

Your sitting down to have a coffee with a woman, who just happens to be your partner. You’ve been working a lot recently and she seems to be going out more frequently to see her friend. There’s something about the woman and the way she is behaving that doesn’t feel quite right, but you can’t put your finger on it.

You ask her “so how was Katie last night? You’re seeing a lot of her lately”

She replies enthusiastically “she’s fine, you know she started back at her old job, but she’s really happy”, she smiles a split second after the statement, and despite it’s early promise the wide smile only reaches the corners of her beautiful mouth.

Honest reactions are normally spontaneous and infectious. When somebody is lying or hiding something from you, their gestures, emotions and words may seem to be a little bit out of sync with each other. In the example, the delayed smile after the pretty enthusiastic words is a strong clue that the woman is lying.

The kinds of “out of sync behavior” (like the woman in the example) or delayed emotional reactions to words or actions may take on the following characteristics:

• Timing is off between emotions gestures/expressions and words.

• Gestures/expressions don’t match the verbal statement, such as frowning when saying “I love you.”

• Expressions, smiles are limited to mouth movements instead of infectiously spreading across the face. A genuine smile includes everything from the mouth, eyes jaw, cheeks and even the forehead.

Best defense is offense

The “best defense is offense” is sounds like a cliché, but in this case it might just be true. If your woman or man is on the offense it might be because they are telling the truth, a guilty person will go on the defensive.

Other tell tale signs include:

• A liar turning their head or body away as if they are uncomfortable to face you.

• The woman or man that might be lying to you will look to place a barrier between you, it could be a pen, ashtray, whatever is close to hand.

Next time we will look at more than just body language.

About The woman

Judo Woman – Keiko Fukuda, Wish You Were My Granny

by Angelcortada, Flickr.com

When I was in school – I used to get a bit of a hard time, because at that time I was taller than most. So you know how kids are. After years of sibling violence by my two bigger sisters, I could take of myself! But was still a gentle soul. So I tried to avoid fighting unless I had to.

My big sister was a tough nut, with some pretty rough friends she routinely promised to (saying this politely) “punish my bullies”! A boy having his big sister or any woman beat up his bullies? Not cool, not cool at all! I wanted a big brother desperately, but you don’t always get what you want.

Not about me – Relax it’s not a post about my family history. I was reading the news yesterday and one thing jumped out a cool story about a 99 year old female Judo master “ Keiko Fukuda” who sadly passed away, this week. You’ve probably read the same story, it was everywhere. Even though it’s a sad story it’s also a cool one, because until her death she was the highest ranked woman in the world in Judo. That got me thinking, what an epic grandmother she would’ve been! Like a big sister, mum, teacher and big brother all rolled into one small tough bundle. Can you imagine in the playground:

“my dads bigger than your dad”

“my dad could beat the jelly out off your dad”

“my granny could beat the bejeebers out of both your dads, their brothers and Chuck Norris!”

Keiko Fukuda – All joking aside the life of Keiko Fukuda was an amazing person. Her grandfather “Fukuda Hachinosuke” was a samurai, and Jujutsu master. One of her grandfather’s students founded Judo! If that wasn’t amazing enough there was something special about this woman from an early age, when she chose to study Judo – at a time when women didn’t practice the art! She was the student of 3 Jujutsu masters in her time, studied Judo under the founder of Judo (Kanō Jigorō)! Not only the highest ranking woman in Judo, but in the history of Judo! What an inspiration she is.

I read somewhere that when she started, her family thought she might marry a Judo teacher rather than actually studying it seriously (they got that one wrong), which wasn’t the done thing for a Japanese woman of that generation. However sadly she never married or had kids. She was quoted as saying one of her earliest concerns about studying Judo, was having to “spread her legs”. If you know anything about Asian culture, especially Japanese culture that’s pretty taboo even now. Whether you agree or not, women need to sit politely in most social situations, so can you imagine what it would have been like a 90 years ago! On the other hand if you know anything about martial arts, balance and strong wide stance is crucial in defense and offense, which I guess really went against the grain for a Japanese woman of those times.

Her personal motto was: “Be gentle, kind, and beautiful, yet firm and strong, both mentally and physically.”

Keiko Fukuda, was a real pioneer for the sport of Judo, and for women practicing martial arts. Rest in peace Judo, Jujutsu samurai grandmother! Wish you’d been there instead of my big sister and you were way cooler than my hypercondriac , smoking, complaining, tight fisted granny.

About The Woman

How Not To Fail At Business With Your Wife

by Life Mental Health, Flickr.com

You never get rich working for someone “probably”. So what’s the alternative? In these tough economic times all the options are on the table. Some people, maybe even you, might be considering going into business for yourself.

A long time ago, I went into business with the woman I loved – my girlfriend, I found out the hard way that wasn’t easy at all. I was very niave about it all to be honest. We did some things right, we did some things wrong.

Right & Wrong

We did our homework. We hooked up with a very experienced company that become our partners. They gave us all the knowledge to build on, along with trouble shooting advice (used that one a lot). Without them it would have been near impossible to start.

A shoestring – we started with way too little, a very skinny shoestring indeed. Get financed properly!

Not the right person – I invested in the wrong person (emotionally & financially). I knew it was the wrong person, but ignored that little voice.. you know what I’m talking about.

No backup – Starting a business in a relationship you’re not convinced about, is a recipe for trouble. It was also her home country and language. She walked away quite comfortable, I was left with my pride.

You don’t have to be like me

The wrong person is the wrong person, that’s independent of gender or relationship. I still believe the woman you love (or man) can make the best business partner. You just have to be smart about it, and there are several strong advantages for doing business him or her and I’m not alone in thinking this. According to the Small Business Administration – out of the 21 million small business in the USA, 90 percent are actually family owned. That’s an astounding display of confidence in family and yes, spouses.

Trust – who’d be better than your wife or husband? You have lived with them, you know them. More importantly your in it together, financially and emotionally.

Due diligence – I didn’t do this, but if you’ve been with your partner for a long time, then you probably have. You know their financial status, character and ability. You won’t be cheated by a fake license on the wall.

Extra mile – they will go that extra mile to keep things afloat in hard times. It’s a cliché but a fairly well known fact, most small business fail within the first year. If it’s a cash problem, one of you can take an extra job for a while, you can tighten your belt, miss a paycheck, live hand-to-mouth, or even take on extra responsibility if your skills allow. 

Together too much – I won’t lie to you, this part was tough. But a well adjusted, mature minded, loving couple will find a way around this. Go home, don’t talk about work. Separate home from work, spend time doing fun things. See friends. I hated talking about business, it caused major problems and fights.

Be professional – We all have different skills sets, identifying these and can crucial in making any business better. You and your partner are no different. Assign roles to each other, according to skills and ability. If neither of you can do a job, hirer someone, perhaps a freelancer.

Trust in your partner’s ability – If you give someone a job to do, it means you trust in their ability. Don’t micro manage somebody else’s job, let them get on with it have regular meetings to check on key issues that are affecting your business and performance.

You still have to pay your spouse – I fell into this one too, I was too nice. Without a corporate structure and a HR department it’s difficult to put a value on your partner’s work, it’s very easy to lose perspective. Keep things afloat is the first priority, but you must pay or share with your spouse too.

They’re only human after all.

Outside advice and help – When we had a shortage of skills, knowledge or experience we either consulted with someone or hired someone. That part worked well. If personally you’re have problems find someone who will constructively listen to you both. Bottom line – if your relationship is at risk, look for help.

Goals and missions – with any business you need to determine your companies mission from the go-get. As you company grows you need to keep your eye on the ball, and make sure your achieving what you set out to do.

Remember to forgive, remember why you wanted to start the business together with the woman you love in the first place.

About The Woman

Woman Marries Twin Sister’s Killer

by thezartorialist.com, Flickr.com

Strange love

A woman’s body was found in the town of Pico Truncado in southern Santa Cruz province in 2010. It turned out to be Edith Casas‘ twin sister “Johana Casas”. She was shot to death. A sad story indeed, but it took a twist. This woman went on to marry her sister’s convicted killer, last (Victor Cingolani) last week – Valentine’s Day.

It reads like some kind of “B-Movie horror script”, but it really happened! So honestly this got me thinking. What kind of woman or person might be attracted to such a guilty looking individual. Edith Casas has polarized her home country “Argentina” not to mention her family. What it is about the woman? Edith believes the evidence is insufficient, but what kind of person would take a chance on marrying her sister’s killer?

Convict love

But should we be so quick to judge? Doesn’t a similar thing happen in the states? The USA’s prison population per 100,000 ranks as the highest in the world. With a prison population of about 1.6 million, it’s unsurprising that the USA has it’s own share of convict love.

Abc covered the case of Tim McDonald and Teresa Deion Smith Harris. The two had never spent a night together, and more than likely (at the time of writing) never would, but they got married anyway. He is a convicted killer, serving a life sentence without the possibility of parole.

Teresa is not alone either, thousands like her get involved in such relationships. In a similar case Jennifer Hyatte who was a nurse at a correctional facility, had an inappropriate relationship with her convict lover and was later fired. Details are sketchy, but in 2004 they were both on the run after she killed a guard to spring him from custody. I think it’s safe to say she loved him too.

“Prison officials say inmates convicted of the most heinous crimes tend to attract the most attention from pen pals”

Why are they attracted?

Edith’s and her Victor Cingolani’s situation does have some similarities, but they also allegedly they knew each before the murder took place. Although that fact doesn’t make it any less unusual.

What’s the psychology behind this? Is it a case of love being blind? According to an article by trutv.com – experts suggest there are several reasons why a woman might fall in love or develop feelings for convicted killer.

• Need to nurture – a woman may see the little lost boy inside.
• The perfect boyfriend – it’s the perfect boyfriend, the woman knows exactly where he is & what he’s doing (mostly) also don’t have those everyday issues: did you take out the trash?
• Hybristophilia – other people’s violent acts can be a turn on
• Exclusivity – they exclusively know their lovers facts & crimes, privy to their story
• Vicarious fantasies – their lover has acted out their violent fantasies
• Low self-esteem
• Eminence – high profile killers give them status
• Beauty and the Beast syndrome – moth & flame scenario

(The reverse instances of males falling in love with convicted female killers rarely takes place however – I wonder why)

Edith’s belief in her husband’s may yet to turn out to be justified – it wouldn’t be the first time a person has been wrongly convicted. I hope for her sake she’s right.

On the other hand, they did choose Valentine’s Day to tie the knot! Anyone who’s seen or heard anything about this story must think that’s nuts all on it’s own – especially if you’ve looked at the suggested psychological reasoning. There’s only two ways to see this. It’s either the noblest and greatest declaration of love a person could make, or it’s the biggest craziest poke in the eye.

About The Woman

Does LinkedIn Know Their Groups Discriminate?

by Adriano Gasparri, Flickr.com

Fair dinkum, that’s me I’m pretty chilled and fair about most things. Like the next person I have views about politics, religion, race and sexuality.  It’s totally fine for people to have their own views too.

Yes you may have the feeling this is the beginning of a rant post, but it’s only a partial rant and healing one I hope. Something happened last weekend. I was on Yahoo and playing around with Twitter while thinking about ways how I could boost my visitor counts for About The Woman. Some lucky bloggers seem to have an endless ream of topics, but I have to look for ideas everywhere.

LinkedIn Groups. So there I was, friends have been nagging me to do the old LinkedIn thing for ages, I’m having some moderate success with Twitter, so I thought I would give LinkedIn a shot. What’s LinkedIn? Well it’s the 3^rd biggest social media platform with about 110 million users. But unlike Twitter which is widely recognized as the best business to customer platform, LinkedIn is the best B2B platform. However I’m sure it’s not all business people do still build friendships and connections on the sidelines of all the business and networking stuff.

So I gave it a try. I filled in my profile, made it look as nice as possible although I really need some nice profile pics. It takes a professional to make me look good – honestly.  So there I was clicking away on any relevant looking groups –  dyslexia groups, blogging groups, freelance writing and one very cool group popped (I won’t use the exact name) Photography For Women Who Like Taking Pictures.

Bob’s Reply. If you’ve seen my profile, you’d know I’ve spent most of my life around women and I have a deep, respect and love for them in all their roles. So this group seemed to be the perfect group for inspiration! However the group was locked and you had to apply to be let in. There were two moderators, I sent a message and someone called Bob – which is not his real name, but it’s really similar.

Hi Bob I feel this group is right up my street. I have a blog that talks about all kinds issues the focus is on women, relationships, style and more. But I would love to connect and find out more on women in photography. It would be nice if down the line I could write about some, I mean we all have stories and photos speak volumes.

Not saying that’s a perfect message, but I don’t think I come across as a pervert, troll or spammer/marketer. He replied really quickly which I saw as a good sign. Bob said:

Are you a woman?

Yes you know what’s coming next. I was already getting cheesed off, and wanted to send a pre-emptive insult, but I wanted to give Mr. Bob a chance. I replied:

No I am not. This is requirement for your group?

Unsurprisingly Bob said:

Yes it is.

A thousand stinging replies came to mind and I had to sit on my hands to stop them from whipping out angry keystrokes. I’ve imagined several scenarios if the conversation had continued. The first question would have been:

Bob are you a woman?

He probably would have said:

That’s got nothing to do with it. It’s my group and as long as the 37,000 women are in my group, they will play by my rules.

I would’ve replied:

Is this your personal harem or are you the eunuch?

I could just imagine Bob’s pouty face.

I don’t have to listen to this, it’s my group and I’m not letting you in, so there!

Of course that never happened because I’m a gentleman and well… who knows what bodily part Bob may have had amputated to get that moderator’s job.

Does LinkedIn accept this? The point is, does LinkedIn know that people are excluded from groups based on their gender? Because that smacks of sexism to me, I would be equally unhappy if a group of male professional mechanics excluded women who were interested in cars. Who else is excluded from other groups? This is an important question I think.

It’s okay we all have our own opinions and preferences, that’s our right. However I believe in social responsibility especially when comes to the internet.  I don’t support any group or community that excludes another based on whatever criteria. As with everything there are always exceptions, but I’m not talking about therapy groups here. I’m talking about a photography group, that excludes men.

I find Bob’s attitude bizzare, and if LinkedIn condones this, that’s equally irresponsible. I can’t imagine there’s anything about LinkedIn’s rules that might allow this. After all LinkedIn is a business networking platform, which is strange because this would not be accepted in the workplace and certainly not in business. Needles to say I’m finding a lot more love on Twitter.

About The Woman

What a Woman Really Wants a Man To Wear

By Lazurite, Flickr.com

Builder’s bum also referred to as the crack of doom in some cultures – is caused by men out of shape wearing overly saggy jeans (normally builders, and male relatives). Of course this never happens to me, but it makes you think what other men’s clothes do women hate

What’s good for thy neighbor. It’s time to be honest, some men could wear could wear shaggy wool pleated trousers, with a illuminous Hawiian shirt and look good. Unfortunately for the rest of us this may not apply.

What makes a woman pause mid sentence, while they allow their smoldering eyes to linger on you, as you ping on their guy radar? With the help of About The woman Let’s find out.

Shoes. Women care about what shoes, we wear almost as much as theirs. Men’s Health polled 800 women on what they like men to wear.

Personally I’m not a loafer kind of guy, but there again I’m not a woman either. Maybe that’s where I’m going wrong because Men’s Health found that 26% of women prefer men who wear them. Nice expensive looking loafers apparently conjure up images of, casual elegance, and a well to do comfortable lifestyle.

Other favorites for a woman include dress boots and wingtip dress shoes, I like both of these very much, it’s just too hot where I am for any kind of boot. Another surprise for me was that running shoes came out pretty high too.

But guys be warned if you want to impress a woman then those leather sandals, rubber flip-flops aren’t going to do it. Sorry guys – time to bin those Crocs.

Denim. I don’t need to be a woman to know denim looks great, on guys and girls. That said that there seems to a limit on what can past muster. I–can–see–what–color–boxer–shorts–you–got–on–hip-hop-style jeans, are a big saggy failure, and apparently as bad wanna be rocker shredded denim.

Don’t worry there’s still hope! Mens Health found that a woman loves a man who wears vintage style jeans. A whopping 54% of them said that’s when men look the hottest.

Lovely pleated trousers. Lovely pleats are definitely the way to go…damn I forgot! Thought I was back in the 90’s again. All joking aside this is the 21^st century and apparently pleats remind a woman of unfashionable senile old man! In fact 64% said not hot.

What a woman wants to see is a man in is flat pants (85%), straight legged pants, with a crisp line also came out on top.

Hawaiian Shirts. Hawaii is one of the coolest places on earth, what woman would not want to go there? Hawaiian shirts? That’s completely different, no go girl wants go there.

Offensive T-shirts. Hey guys how are old are you really? Well unless you’re a teenager, drinking your first beer, or on some of kind stag night they ain’t cool. Fat guys try harder or FBI, female body inspector or I support single moms – won’t get the right kind of sparky reaction that the t-shirt guy promised. You’d be better of buying a can of deodorant.

Good luck with impressing the women, I hope you find yourself the subject of that smoldering gaze! By the way I’ve cleaned out my wardrobe no flip-flops, pleated trousers or hip-hop-style jeans for me! I’m off shopping.

About The Woman

Social Media Resolutions Follow Up

by James G. Milles, Flickr.com

It’s been approximately 2 weeks since my 11 social media resolutions post. It was actually one of my visitors Mark – (nice blog btw) who inadvertently reminded me. I have to admit normally my determination would have flagged by now. But this year it’s different! Not sure why, but it is.

So what’s “About The Woman” got to do with social media. Well simply the more people who come to this space the better it is for my blog. So it’s all connected and perhaps by reading my experiences, it can help you out too.

Nuts and bolts – 2 weeks ago you could’ve said there wasn’t much going on between About The Woman and Twitter. I followed 11 people and 3 followed me, one of which was my other Twitter account. Things were looking dismal – Twitter was a lead balloon. That was the real motivation behind my post, a kind of self help therapy session for my blog.

Research – Last week I still felt I needed to know something more. The end goal for me is to be using several social media platforms to push this blog. My theory is that the potential of social media is massive for any blog. Of that’s not forgetting good blog content, which most experts agree is the most crucial part.

Choosing my platforms – My first target is to get to grips with Twitter, even though Facebook has almost 3 times the number of users. There’s something about the short, snappy way of communicating that appeals to me. Looks can be deceiving though, on the face of things it might look a simpler way of communicating, but it’s not.

With Twitter everything has to be concise, informative and engaging. How do you do that in 140 characters? It’s hard. My approach is to circulate news from other sites that are related to mine and I merely wrap a short snappy sentence around that. Rightly or wrongly it’s my strategy for now.

Do I trawl through dozens of my favorite blogs everyday? Yes and no. I use a RSS feed called Feeddemon, it’s free, unless you want to upgrade. I spent one whole weekend going through all my favorite sites etc, pasted their RSS icon into the Feedemon’s window. Now everytime I start I get 100’s of new article to harvest from.

Know your audience – I must recommend this article from Mashable one of the best online articles I’ve read. Basically it states that most people who market on Twitter, do it wrong. Did you know if you tweet at different times you have a higher chance of hooking your target? Well that’s the main thing I got from this article. So now I try to tweet at my target’s prime times. Even though I live in Hong Kong, I aim for the North America audience mainly.

Do I stay up all night tweeting? Hell no, I use Tweetdeck. This program allows you to do many different things, the best part for me is the ability to schedule my posts. I set it up and hopefully my blog will reap the benefits of my tweets while I sleep.

Making a schedule – I made one and surprisingly I stick to it. It’s basically first thing in the morning. I arrive at my office one hour earlier, and do my social media stuff. Between 8 to 10pm in the evening I tackle my blog.

It’s not pefect – It’s not, but I remain flexible and with try other platforms and methods until I get the results I want for About The Woman. So you’re dying to know. Well unless you’ve added me already (I’m not hinting) then you won’t know but, I’ve done 130 tweets, follow 136 people and have a whopping 124 followers. I haven’t been that aggressive for following people either. So it’s not bad.

There has been some hits from Twitter to my blog directly. Even though there’s been a general upwards trend, I’m not sure if I can contribute that to twitter or not. Good luck with your social media adventure! Let me know how you are getting on.

About The Woman

Sex Addiction Fact or Fantasy?

By Jessicalrone, Flickr.com

Which of these isn’t a real disorder? Choose one: a) sex addiction b) hoarding c) binge eating. Okay I guess the title of my blog gives you a clue. Yep, you know how I think it’s – sex addiction.

Okay so now you’re wondering who decides.It’s a good question because oddly enough it sounds very plausible to me, certainly at least as much as hoarding. But there again I’ve never known a hoarder, I mean a sex addict! Getting back to the question.. in the USA it’s the American Psychiatric Association (APA) who decides, and last December they decided not to include sex addiction in their health handbook.

But I guess people can get addicted to anything right? It’s one thing when APA says there’s no such thing, butwhat about the string of famous personalities who’ve either demonstrated this behavior or openly admitted it? So I’m betting all the high end psychotherapists are not writing this one addiction off so quickly. Especially when such big names as Tiger Woods, David Duckovny have demonstrated sex addiction like tendencies. Okay these stars are not official sex addicts, but there are more than a few male celebs who’ve gone on the record as being.Micheal Douglas, was a famous womanizer before our dear Catherine whipped him into shape. Kayne West and Charlie Sheen have both gone on record as being sex addicts – but there again those pair will say almost anything.So far I’ve only mentioned guys, but don’t worry there are some girls too. However most of them like Jennie Ketcham either worked in the adult movie industry before hand, or had suffered with other several addictions, which dubiously coincided with TV shows.

Just how many people are addicts? This is just a weird coincidence I promise you, but I’m writing this article at a hotel, in Hong Kong that charges $50 dollars for using the internet, for which I’m too mean to pay. But from earlier research, I found the estimates in the UK are that 6% of a population is sex addicted and one in five women. Rather selectively I don’t have the numbers for men, but it wouldn’t surprise if it was more.

So just in case, any rich celebs are reading this what are the symptoms? Apparently “recurrent and intense sexual fantasies, sexual urges, and sexual behavior,” we all have these right? But if all these urges last several months then you’re in trouble. Phew.. it’s a relief it doesn’t really exist, because if it did every teenage boy on the globe and several of my friends would have to seek professional help.

On a serious note, addictions of any kind can be very devastating with long last repercussions on the lives of the people it affects. But what are the official symptoms (before the APA changed their mind)? Like other addictions the person is driven to seek out and engage in the act seeking all the benefits and ignoring the negative impacts. According to a BBC Health article, casual sex and general JFK marital behavior are not the only symptoms. More precise ones may include:

• Excessive use of pornography
• Feeling worried about the possible behavior
• Wanting to stop or change your sexual behaviour
• Feeling unable to stop, despite wanting to
• Using sex as a way to cope with other problems
• Needing more sex to get the same fulfillment
• Feeling very low or guilty after
• Spending large amounts of time planning or engaging in sex
• Missing important social events or even work in order to pursue sex

So what’s the treatment? The worst thing would be to find another addiction – it’s sounds kind of funny, but in my personal experience – people who are addicted to one thing are often predisposed to other forms as well. With all addictions the first and most important step is admitting to having a problem.

The debate is still open, whether it exists or not, or whether it’s a compulsive behavioral or addiction. However the treatment would involve psychological therapies, behavioral therapies all leading to the person understanding their condition and the consequences.

About The Woman

Forgive Lance Armstrong & Big Fat Momma

By DonkeyHotkey, Flickr.com

What is love? Why do we sometimes seem so hell bent on destroying our love and relationships. I sometimes think that people are programed to self-destruct. Lance Armstrong is doped, the whole world knows it. But who are the victims? His team mates, marriage, and perhaps a friend or two. After many years of lying he probably doesn’t even have a single friend who would stand by him publicly.

In the fact the whole story reads like the script of Big Fat Momma’s House. A man tries to do something good, but lies – Lance Armstrong. The main character is trying to catch the bad guy and win the day – Tour De France, but along away people start to believe in him. Lance Armstrong  spends the rest of the movie getting into dubious situations while trying maintain his Big Fat Momma disguise. Finally just like the real one (who was also an imposter of the real thing), he gets caught, while trying to do what he feels is right.

The differences are he caught the bad guy (Tour De France) several times and kept on lying – while making tons of cash. Unlike the fake Big Fat Momma, he kept on lying even when the latex mask started to peel off.  Like Big Fat Momma, Lance Armstrong got the girl – seven of them, but he had to give them back.

Lance raises some ugly questions about us – In the general context, and in relationships why do we feel we have to lie? How many times have we, or will lie to our loved ones and friends? Does it really matter if we are trying to do the right thing or wrong thing, then lie? “Oh I was just protecting you”, is that really ever the case? Politicians, husbands, wives, criminals often confess, but when? That’s right, after they were caught. Blah blah hindsight and all that, but I’m not talking about hindsight. What I’m talking about is the need to do lie in first instance – that little white lie. So when do we feel we have to lie in relationships?

You don’t want to be with that woman or man? Then don’t cheat on them. Give him/her a chance to find somebody that does want to be with them. Man up, and just be single. If there are other things you’re lying about, then talk about it with someone. If we can try to understand why we feel, or do things it can be an extremely useful tool in prevention. If we take the example of having an affair, it’s much easier to talk about why we feel the need to cheat with someone, than actually cheating. As a good friend once advised me “It’s the perfect crime, until you get caught.” Don’t do it in the first place and you won’t have to lie.

It’s not my fault, it’s life – I agree to a point. We do have unreal expectations, dumped on us, every where we are told if we drink that beer we get the hot girls, or if we buy the gadget we will look handsome and automatically get a better job. Lance’s case he pretended to be superman and he was in many ways, from cancer to a wonderful athlete. But once he showed the world he was superman, that’s when it all got worse.

If we blame Lance, or even Big Fat Momma, then we need to take a closer look at ourselves. Why do we only confess when we are caught? Why do we feel a need to do this stuff, why are we so destructive? Most importantly for Lance Armstrong and for us, what are the reasons behind our confessions? If we confess only because we were caught, then how are we “or him” going to move forward? I’m not picking on Lance Armstrong (or Big Fat Momma), I’m just using him for SEO, but the question remains why do we get ourselves into these situations?

About The Woman